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April Fowl
Durango Herald
What’s Up Downtown? Column for April 1, 2009
April Fowl
What’s Up Downtown? Column for April 1, 2009
April Fowl
A low-ranking Durango official has confirmed that the small patch of grass behind City Hall will soon be converted to a chicken yard for five newly elected chickens.
Since support for raising chickens within City limits seems to be growing, chickens have become one of Durango’s fattest growing portions of our poopulation. The local cackle about town has been that chickens themselves deserve a monthly chance to peep-up and weigh-in at City Council meetings. According to one very plump four-pounder, “What fry’s me is that we can live here, but we’ve been fat out denied any rights.” Similarly, her boneless frier friend added, “We’re caged up all day and just can’t just flock over here anytime they want us to weigh in on important chicken issues. A third, nervous free ranger added, “I’m sick of having to scramble.”
Councilors agreed to the new City Hall chicken yard providing the chickens could peck five responsible representatives willing to come home to roost at City Hall. Expected issues to be immediately raised by the spicy chicken representatives are the shortage of affordable coups, local dogs harassing chickens, and unfair enforcement of chicken parking regulations. Recently, thirty chickens nested themselves in a single parking space and all were ticketed except the one closest to the meter.
To add insult to injury, a Durango officer stopped and questioned a well-marinated real estate rooster leaving the El Rancho Tavern wanting to know why he was trying to cross the road. Witnesses confirmed that although there are a few bad eggs in the chicken poopulation, the majority of them were good yolks and raw-abiding.
Earlier this week, a long line of chickens formed outside the City Cluck’s office to peck-up an election packet. Hopeful candidate chickens need only to have 50 legible chicken scratchings, and have no outstanding health violations. The election will be next Fryday.
Meanwhile, City officials were completing a Request For Proposal for a chicken consultant to draw up plans for the City Hall coup. According to the head planning rooster, “This is no job for just any egghead out there. We’ll require that the final design have a ground level for eggs, a middle level for nesting, and a third level, set-back from the chicken wire, for visiting roosters…if you know what I mean?” Henpecked for comment on the cost of the coup, City big bird called the project “chicken feed”.
While a small opposition calling themselves “the Egg Beaters” claimed that any more poultry in motion would be an undue burden on the local grain supply, the majority of new urbanism chicken farmers response to the program has been eggcellent. A downtown developer, well known to be a wing and leg man, doodle-dooed, “Durango is feathering well in this economic downtown. While many yolks have watched their nest egg disappear, I think this program will definitely lay a big egg.”
April Fowl everyone.
Since support for raising chickens within City limits seems to be growing, chickens have become one of Durango’s fattest growing portions of our poopulation. The local cackle about town has been that chickens themselves deserve a monthly chance to peep-up and weigh-in at City Council meetings. According to one very plump four-pounder, “What fry’s me is that we can live here, but we’ve been fat out denied any rights.” Similarly, her boneless frier friend added, “We’re caged up all day and just can’t just flock over here anytime they want us to weigh in on important chicken issues. A third, nervous free ranger added, “I’m sick of having to scramble.”
Councilors agreed to the new City Hall chicken yard providing the chickens could peck five responsible representatives willing to come home to roost at City Hall. Expected issues to be immediately raised by the spicy chicken representatives are the shortage of affordable coups, local dogs harassing chickens, and unfair enforcement of chicken parking regulations. Recently, thirty chickens nested themselves in a single parking space and all were ticketed except the one closest to the meter.
To add insult to injury, a Durango officer stopped and questioned a well-marinated real estate rooster leaving the El Rancho Tavern wanting to know why he was trying to cross the road. Witnesses confirmed that although there are a few bad eggs in the chicken poopulation, the majority of them were good yolks and raw-abiding.
Earlier this week, a long line of chickens formed outside the City Cluck’s office to peck-up an election packet. Hopeful candidate chickens need only to have 50 legible chicken scratchings, and have no outstanding health violations. The election will be next Fryday.
Meanwhile, City officials were completing a Request For Proposal for a chicken consultant to draw up plans for the City Hall coup. According to the head planning rooster, “This is no job for just any egghead out there. We’ll require that the final design have a ground level for eggs, a middle level for nesting, and a third level, set-back from the chicken wire, for visiting roosters…if you know what I mean?” Henpecked for comment on the cost of the coup, City big bird called the project “chicken feed”.
While a small opposition calling themselves “the Egg Beaters” claimed that any more poultry in motion would be an undue burden on the local grain supply, the majority of new urbanism chicken farmers response to the program has been eggcellent. A downtown developer, well known to be a wing and leg man, doodle-dooed, “Durango is feathering well in this economic downtown. While many yolks have watched their nest egg disappear, I think this program will definitely lay a big egg.”
April Fowl everyone.